We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
