He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
