I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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