its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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