seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
