do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Be still, my beating vagina.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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