He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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