I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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