I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
