Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
