Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
