I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
