True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
