porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
