And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
