I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
