evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Randomize
