We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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