you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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