Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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