My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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