We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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