I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
