About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
