We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
