I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
