So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
