I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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