it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize