I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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