After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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