guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
