Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
