Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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