I am full of burrito and curiosity
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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