So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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