Tell her she can't have a vagina
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
