I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize