Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
