Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
