i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
