Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
