I want to make a zoo with you.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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