I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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