He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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