oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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