if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
dude. I can hear the air.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
