I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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