Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
