apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
