Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
