i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
