Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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