i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
