I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
