Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize