is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
should my penis look like a turkey
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
