so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
