Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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