Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
This house was built for laser tag.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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