Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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