I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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