Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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