meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
