Pappa wants mamma naked
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
