nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
