I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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