i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
