Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
