I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
