I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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