We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
