i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
