Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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