I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
