I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
