im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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