It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
