Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
