Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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