And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
