i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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