I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
When are your genitals available?
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