ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize