my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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