so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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