I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
