Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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