Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I FOUND THE LEGS
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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