his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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