go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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