literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
