The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
