walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize