It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
