You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
