dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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