So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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